I'm trying to eat healthier. I really am. So today I went to lunch and made fat free refried beans in wheat tortilla burritos. Ok, not really. I opened the can of refried beans and spread them on the tortillas. That was the extent of my cooking.
I fold them, pop them in the microwave and forget to check them.
So, I take them out a bit later and sit for a lunch of FINE Mexican cuisine. I take a bite and this piece of shit ghetto ass white boy imitation bean burrito just EJACULATES molten hot bean lava into my mouth...it was like I had given Satan himself head and the bastard didn't warn me he was about to finish. (What the fuck do you expect? He is THE DEVIL after all..) So im sitting there with Satan’s refried bean load stuck to the roof of my mouth searing an burning....my brain just couldn’t register what the fuck was going on fast enough so it sat there for a few seconds before the neurons began to fire back up and this is when my brain actually turned against me.
Did it tell me to spit it out? Drink water? Fuck no. My brain told me my best course of action was to emit a high pitched squeal like a little bitch and waive my hand in front of my mouth and blow in and out really fast. *BE CAREFULL when doing this because if Satan is still around that bastard will put a cock in your mouth and you end up with a 2nd round of fire load...*
CONTRARY to what your brain tells you, this doesn't help out in the LEAST. The hand waiving only gives oxygen to the fire that has erupted by now and is making it even worse. So now at least 8-10 seconds have gone by and I finally get some Diet Caffeine-Free Coke (think brown water with no flavor or nutritional value whatsoever.) In my mouth to squelch the inferno. Sweet relief. So fucking sweet….
So after ALL this, being an American I did what any American would do. I picked that fucker up and took another bite. Please refer to the top of this post and work your way down again…
Peace out Crackheads!Speedoape
hahaha omg that had me lol!!
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